


I HATE YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

by PENDRAGONISMS



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Drabble, Eventual Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Hanahaki Disease, Hospitalization, Ikebukuro (Durarara!!), M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Sakura (Cherry Blossoms), Sick Character, Unrequited Love, デュラララ!!×２ 承 | Durarara!!x2 Shou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26148013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PENDRAGONISMS/pseuds/PENDRAGONISMS
Summary: One day, Orihara Izaya starts coughing up pink cherry blossom petals and he has no idea why . . .
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Kudos: 76





	I HATE YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

**"WHAT THE HELL?"** That was Izaya's first thought. A normal day had turned into an abnormal night. On the way up in the elevator, he had coughed once or twice but brushed it off as nothing but exactly that. Just a few coughs. Then, as he was typing away at his keyboard, dark eyes and smirked lips turned towards the bright monitor, he coughed some more. These hurt a little, unlike the ones from the elevator had. Still, he didn't pay them any mind. Coughing isn't an uncommon thing, after all. But now he was in his bathroom, staring in shock at the bloody, pink flower petals in his palm.

He just went in there to brush his teeth. The coughing started up when he passed the doorway. This coughing hurt a _lot,_ though. More than it had earlier on that evening. There was a bad tickle at the back of his throat. It was like he had to cough something up. Like something was stuck and his body was trying to dislodge it from his esophagus or he'd choke. And Izaya _did_ cough something up. Yet, this wasn't what he'd been expecting to come out of his mouth. His expression became disgusted and he looked up into the mirror, blood and saliva running down his chin. He used to sleeve to wipe that away. Then his reddish hues were focused on those petals again. They were all wet and stained scarlet.

He didn't remember swallowing any flowers so why on earth was he coughing these up? Shaking his head, he tossed them into the waste basket while swallowing. After washing his hands and face, he brushed his teeth. Then, before leaving the room, he sent a glance towards the trashcan for only a moment. Flower petals? In his throat? That wasn't possible. His head shook and he flipped the light switch off. Maybe he was just... seeing things. It was almost two A.M., after all. His eyes were just tired. Yeah. That was a reasonable explanation. Coughing up petals? There was no way.

Izaya went to bed. For about an hour, he slept perfectly fine. Then, he started coughing. They were hard, loud coughs that echoed off his bedroom walls. It hurt his chest and his throat and it was like they were never going to stop. He curled up slightly on the mattress, his knees to his chest and a hand over his mouth. The whole time, he had his eyes shut. Eventually, he did calm down and, despite the feeling of dampness on his chin and in his hand, he just drifted off to sleep. He was tired and out of it and he didn't notice the mess he made until the next morning.

"What the...?" That was what he said when he opened his eyes the next morning and saw red. The broker sat up quickly, looking down at his hand which was covered in dried blood. He saw those petals, again, too. Pink and shriveled up and once more covered in the same substance his fingers were. There was no way in hell this was possible. He got to his feet and went to the bathroom, looking into the trashcan. There were flower petals there, too! So he hadn't been seeing things or dreaming. He quickly washed his face and hands. Then, he started searching through the medicine cabinet. He was rarely one to get sick yet he had medicine just in case.

Izaya swallowed down more cough syrup than the recommended amount, taking a deep breath afterwards. Hopefully that would do something. It had to, right? He went back to his room and stared at the bits of flower in his bedsheets. He shook his head as he picked them up, adding them to the waste bin. He had no idea what was happening to him but he didn't like it. Was this some kind of new disease that was brought to Ikebukuro? He placed a hand to his sternum and his eyes fluttered shut. There was a heaviness in his chest now. It was harder for him to breathe. He ignored that, though, and got ready. He couldn't just sit around all day, dealing with whatever this was.

Before long, he was walking through the streets of the city with his hands in the pockets of his cheap looking coat. It was a nice day. The sunshine was warming his face and the breeze was blowing through his hair. that seemed to cheer the man up. He smiled a bit, continuing to move forwards with a skip in his step. By now, he was feeling better. The coughing seemed to have stopped and the only problem he was having, was that it was harder to breathe than normal. As long as he didn't run, though, he figured he'd be fine. Izaya put the thought of the bloody flowers at the back of his mind, simply opting to enjoy the day and see what fun he could have. The informant didn't have any clients at the moment so he had time to do what he wanted to.

There were some familiar faces around. That young boy Mikado was with his friends, Masaomi and Anri. It was summer so they didn't have school they should be attending. They were simply hanging out. Perhaps enjoying the nice day, too. The sight of them made Izaya smirk to himself. They didn't see him and he didn't approach them. He'd leave them be for today. He continued down the sidewalk, his reddish eyes taking in everything. All the sounds and sights and smells. Kadota's gang was hanging around, too, with their van parked at the side of a road. Again, Izaya just kept walking. His calm and peaceful venture didn't last much longer.

"IIIIIZAAAAYAAAAA!!"

That voice made Izaya immediately stop dead in his tracks. There was only one person in the whole city who yelled his name like that. Shizuo Heiwajima. He turned around and he saw the man approaching slowly, looking as angry as he always did when their paths crossed. Anyone else who had been on that street was gone by now. They knew who this ex-bartender was and they did not want to be around when he was angry. Izaya put on a smug grin, taking one hand from one of his pockets.

"Shizu-chan... now, what's that face for? I guess someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Was all the raven haired info broker said. It was all he was able to say, too. Shizuo already looked ready to kill him and they'd only been talking for about a second. There wasn't a cigarette in his mouth and his two rows of teeth were pressed together tightly. There was a fire in his eyes. The ex-bartender was angry. Furious, even. Seeing Izaya seemed to have ruined his entire day. He reached out to the left. There just so happened to be a street sign there and it was obviously what he was aiming to grab. It was the weapon he was going to use against the fleabag in front of him.

Izaya wasn't keen on having a physical fight at the moment so he just smirked, then turned and ran down the sidewalk. People moved out of the way for him and the blond, sign wielding brute chasing him. Honestly, the young man _really_ shouldn't have been running. His lungs still felt tight and his breathing was still off. He'd momentarily forgotten about his struggle from last night, though. With the heaviness on his chest and the coughing fit that left his mouth all bloody. He didn't remember until it was too late. His running started getting slower and slower. soon, he just couldn't run anymore. He stopped and then turned to face the blond who was approaching, the metal pole gripped tightly in his hand. His heart was beating so fast but it felt like there was a heavy weight on it. Not to mention, his lungs were on fire.

Still, he kept up that smug and smirky look of his. He couldn't let the beast of Ikebukuro know he was in pain or struggling just to get oxygen. He pulled his knife out of his pocket and unfolded it with one move, the blade reflecting light from the sun shining above. Some people had stopped and gathered around, most likely to watch the fight that was bound to break out between the two men.

"Why won't you stay still so I can _kill_ you!?" Was what Shizuo was yelling as he approached. Izaya was having a hard time paying attention to him, though, since the sound of his beating heart was blocking out most other noises. He didn't even have any sort of reply to make. The coughing had started again and he cursed mentally. This coughing was awful. The coughs were loud and dry and he had no time to breathe in between them. They were so bad, he dropped his knife to put his arms around his lower abdomen. Shizuo was put off by this sudden outburst. He had no idea how to react so he just stood there with his sign, looking both confused and pissed off. What the hell was this flea coughing for?

Before Izaya knew it, blood was running down his chin and dripping onto the concrete by his feet. He really shouldn't have ran. He was regretting it deeply now. He couldn't even take one deep breath and he was starting to feel light headed. Not to mention, there was that feeling at the back of his throat again. Like something was stuck in his esophagus. Yet, it was worse this time. So much worse. His lungs felt like they were burning and his heart wasn't beating right. It would skip a beat every now and then. Before he was able to react, the man bent over and vomited on the ground. Yet, he hadn't eaten dinner yesterday or breakfast today so there was no food in his system to throw up. If you looked down, you'd see that there was now a small pool of deep, dark crimson with several stained cherry blossoms in it.

Feeling light headed and dizzy, now, Izaya fell down to his knees, too weak to keep standing up. He hit the concrete rather hard but he didn't seem to be bothered by the impact. Everything from there on out was a total blur. The coughing had stopped yet he was panting and completely breathless, his arms hugging his stomach tightly with his fingers digging into his sides. In his spot, he swayed back and forth while his eyelids started to droop. Moments later, he was on his side. He had fallen over and had no energy to push himself up again. Actually, if anything, he seemed to be getting more and more tired and losing more and more energy. The last thing he saw before he passed out, was Shizuo walking towards him.

SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA was both pissed off and confused. He was pissed that this stupid flea had passed out and now _he_ was the one who had to carry his sorry, unconscious ass. He was also confused as to what the hell had just happened. He'd never seen anyone throw up flowers like that before. The whole situation was hard to wrap his head around and trying to understand it made him even more frustrated.

"Dammit!" He cussed out loud as he walked then looked down at the man he was holding in his arms. He looked like an absolute mess with that bloody mouth and his head hanging and bobbing about with every fast step the blond man took. The sight annoyed him and he huffed before looking straight ahead once more. Shizuo was frowning with his teeth exposed, obviously irritated by this whole ordeal. Could you blame him though? After a while, he was at Shinra Kishitani's place and he made his way up to his apartment, kicking at the door and calling for the underground doctor.

When Shinra opened the door, he took one look at the two and the first thing he asked was, "What did you do to him?"

"Me!? I didn't do this!" Shizuo huffed out and then shoved past him, going to the couch and just dumping the limp body onto it. "He just started coughing and then..." He scratched at the side of his head in frustration. "What the hell!? I don't even know what happened! One second he was fine and the next he was throwing up blood and some other crap. I don't know." Shaking his head, he moved past Shinra again and made his way towards the front door again. "I don't care, either. He's your problem now." And with that, he was gone.

Shinra did his best to try and figure out why his heart rate wasn't steady and what had caused the blood to be thrown up. But, considering he didn't really know what had actually happened (Shizuo hadn't explained it very well), he didn't have much of a clue as to what was wrong with Izaya. All he knew, was that something wasn't right with his lungs and it was causing issues with his heart but he had no idea what the overall problem was. So, he had the informant taken to the actual hospital. There he'd be able to get an x-ray done and that way, he'd be treated right.

IT HAD BEEN A COUPLE OF DAYS. Izaya was in a hospital bed with his head on the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. For once in his life, he seemed quite expressionless. Dull, even. It really wasn't a fitting expression on him. Especially when considering that the last time he was in the hospital, he wasn't this upset. He even seemed like he was enjoying himself. Now was different, though. He knew what was wrong with him and it was a lot more serious than a stab wound. The man swallowed and his eyes fell shut.

The x-rays showed something that the doctors, neither the one at the hospital nor Shinra, had ever seen before. There were _flowers_ growing in Izaya's _lungs_. That's why his breathing was so labored and broken. They were growing around his heart, too. And each day, they seemed to be getting worse. The coughing for more horrible every time he had a fit and there was nothing he could do to stop himself from coughing and throwing up those cherry blossom petals. Nothing the medical professionals did improved his current position. It was an issue with a fast decline that couldn't even be slowed. If something wasn't done soon, there was no hope for him. Izaya Orihara was most likely going to die, and sooner rather than later.

No one was able to come up with a reason as to why this was happening. It made no sense. Flowers growing in a person's lungs was something they had never seen before. Izaya himself tried to think of a reason behind it, but even he struggled. It just didn't seem physically possible and yet it was happening. It was happening to _him_! The more he thought about this odd disease of his, though, the more he realized that there was always one thought that seemed to worsen his pain. When he thought about Shizuo Heiwajima, his breathing got worse. Shinra told him after he had returned to consciousness that Shizuo had carried him all the way to his apartment. When he heard that, it felt like a heavy weight was put on his chest. Why would the ex-bartender do that? He hated him, didn't he? So why not just leave him in the street? Why not kick him while he was already down?

It made no sense. Then Izaya remembered that the worst coughing fit he had, was when he came face to face with the blond man. He had looked into his eyes and saw nothing but anger and hatred. Remembering that caused him to have another fit that ended up with blood and petals in the bucket the doctors left by his bed. Was it Shizuo, then, he wondered, that caused him this pain and anguish? Of course, that was completely impossible. This whole thing was impossible, though. So maybe Shizuo was the reason why he was dying! It was crazy but what other reason was there?

The door to his room opened and Izaya looked over. Shinra came into the room holding a tray of food, none of which was solid because he had trouble chewing thanks to the whole breathing issue. Shinra set the tray on the table by his bed. "You should really try to eat something."

Izaya turned his head away, staring at the window with a light frown. "What's the point?" He asked, his tone bitter.

"You need the strength. Besides, the nutrition may help. Who knows?" This time, the ravenette didn't reply. He just sighed out heavily and shut his eyes. The doctor stood there for a few moments then turned and left, pulling the door shut behind him. Izaya went back to looking at the ceiling. Everything was quiet and still after that. Almost peaceful. It was late in the day, the sun beginning to set. He didn't bother watching the sky change colors. He really did nothing but lay there as weak and broken breaths escaped his parted lips. He wanted to just sleep but he wasn't tired.

He shut his eyes only to open them again when he heard _his_ voice. The man turned his head towards the door and listened.

"So, why did you call me here again?" He heard Shizuo ask, most likely to Shinra.

"It's about Izaya..."

"Izaya? That _fleabag_? You called me here to talk about HIM? Look, I don't care about him. Don't act like you forgot how much I hate him."

Those words made Izaya swallow hard. He rolled over onto his side with his back towards the door, curling up slightly underneath the bed sheets. Shizuo hated him. How could he forget? When he had first heard his voice only moments ago, it had almost made him feel somewhat... better. As odd as that was, it was the truth. And, now, hearing such a thing actually hurt him. It caused his heart to ache and he gripped the hospital gown in a tight fist. Shizuo didn't care about him. It was stupid of the man to think otherwise. He wasn't even there to visit him. He was only there because Shinra called him and told him to come. Not because he was most likely on his death bed. A cough left him. Then another. Izaya covered his mouth. Fleabag... up until this moment that name had never really bothered him. Now, though, it made his lower lip quiver. That's all he was to him. A fleabag. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. He felt so awful. He coughed again and again and the heart rate monitor started to beep slower, his heartbeats getting further and further apart.

"Shizuo, he's dying."

That's the last thing the young man heard before he had another coughing fit. Shinra and some nurses had rushed in to try and calm him down. He didn't remember much after that.

DYING? Shizuo was standing outside of the hospital, staring up at the darkened sky with a cigarette between his lips. He was still processing that information. Izaya Orihara, the information broker who was always stirring up trouble for him, was _dying_. He didn't believe it. Or maybe he just didn't want to believe it. Huffing, he took the cigarette from his mouth and blew smoke up into the night air. That little shit apparently had some disease or something that was killing him. A disease that was getting increasingly worse every hour at this point.

The man stared down at the cigarette between his fingers and then took a deep breath. He never thought the other was going to die. Especially not like this. He didn't know how to feel. All his thoughts and emotions were conflicting. Shizuo put a hand to his face and squeezed his eyes shut tight. This was giving him a headache. Damn flea. Why'd he have to go and get some strange illness? He looked up at the building. There was a light frown on the blond's lips.

The feeling or emotion that seemed to be overpowering all the others was, to his own surprise, _sadness_. For some damn reason he couldn't even begin to understand, Shizuo didn't want him to die. Despite constantly trying to kill him, the thought of Izaya sick and dying in some hospital bed made his heart drop down to his stomach. Sure, he pissed him off like no tomorrow and made his life way more difficult than it needed to be, but he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to have his life ended by some stupid mystery disease. Shizuo dropped his cigarette, used the toe of his shoe to put it out, then started towards the hospital entrance. He wasn't quite ready to lose that little bastard. Not yet.

SHIZUO WAS DEFINITELY THE REASON HE WAS DYING. Izaya had calmed down from earlier but his heart rate hadn't gone back up. Plus, all his breaths were more like desperate gasps for air. His lungs didn't seem to be working at all and his pulse was far from steady. It was all because of what he had overheard. Hearing that the other hated him had never hurt him up until this point. And it not only emotionally hurt him, it physically hurt him, too. Why did he care so much, though? Why did it matter to him if that monster hated him or not? He thought about it long and hard and the conclusion he reached was enough to make his stomach feel sick.

It wasn't an easy thing for him to comprehend. It wasn't something he'd ever really felt before. Describing it wasn't much easier. Izaya just... had a sense of longing. He had never really wanted something this much before. So, of course he was confused. What exactly did he want? That was a whole other issue all on it's own. Simply put, the thought of Shizuo hating him was awful. The thought of him not caring that he was dying was even worse. Why? Because he _wanted_ him to care. He had a deep desire to keep everything between them the same as it was and has always been, yet he also had the desire for a change. Something new and different than all the fighting and chasing they did. He felt loss because his future was most likely not going to happen and it was like there were so many unexplored opportunities that he was too afraid to think about because he was going to be _dead_. Untouched thoughts of what could've been. Thinking about them now would only worsen the tightness in his chest so he forgot them.

Izaya gave a bitter chuckle as he listened to his heart rate. It was slowly slowing down. Was this it? Here he was, one foot in the grave and all he could think about was Shizuo Heiwajima. Shizuo. Shizuo. Shizuo. Shizuo. The ache in his heart wasn't just from the flower stems wrapped tightly around it, constricting it's beats. It was also from knowing that his feelings were not and would not ever be returned. The feelings he didn't even realize until it was far too late. Unrequited love was going to be his end.

Unable to control himself, Izaya vomited right there on the bed, the red blood staining the white sheets. He tried to curl up into himself more but all the coughing he was doing was making it very difficult to move even a little. His brain was all fuzzy and his vision was all blurry. The man was also feeling very light headed so he shut his eyes. He choked on the blossoms that seemed to be filling his throat and esophagus while his whole body shook and trembled as he struggled just to exhale. All he could see was darkness and all he could feel was agony. Pure agony. It was as if he was suffocating. As if he was being held down with a pillow to his face or hands around his neck. Yet, he couldn't stop this. There was nothing that could be done about the plant life in his lungs, taking them over and keeping them from working properly. He could hear the beeps on the monitor starting to slow down as he got closer and closer to flat lining. Truthfully, at this point he just wanted it all to end. He was slipping out of conscious and the fight was going out of him. He was dying. There was nothing that was going to stop that from happening now. Without working lungs or a working heart you cannot live, and his were both very ruined.

Then, he felt a dip in the bed. Izaya was confused so, despite all of his choking and gagging, he forced himself to tilt his head backwards to look. The room was as dark as the sky outside and yet he was able to make out the man's outline thanks to the silvery moonlight. Shizuo. He was _there_ and he was sitting on his hospital bed right by his pillow. Izaya caught his gaze for only a moment. Then the ex-bartender looked away as one hand lowered and started to play with his dark locks of hair. The touch was... quite nice. The broker slowly lifted his head, putting it against Shizuo's thigh instead before shutting his eyes. There was a soft smile now on his lips. No words were said between the two men but that was alright with them. Actions always spoke louder.

Now, for the first time in a long time, Izaya Orihara felt like he could breathe perfectly.


End file.
